Cocktale of the Week: Agony of Da Feet


Mens’ feet tend to look like the face of a UFC fighter–to’ up. No, not torn up. “To’ up from the flo’ up.”

Pampering feet is a right of passage for women only. That goes for manicures and spas, too. Real men don’t do “beauty” overhauls such as pedicures. At least that’s what you might believe. Imagine somebody like John Rambo getting foot work. Not pretty.


I didn’t think I heard him right. Did my male co-worker tell a female co-worker he was getting his feet done after work?

I had to know, so I asked him. To my surprise, he confirmed it–and I sensed no shame.

What the hell, I thought. Men get … pedicures?

I had no idea; me so ignorant. Must’ve missed the memo on that metrosexual movement. In my testosterone-flooded mind, “men” and “pedicures” didn’t swim together. Not even in the same body of water. Really, how would a trip to the nail salon sound between two guys?

“Hey, man, wanna play ball after work?”

“Naw, dude. Gotta treat these dragon feet first!”

“Whaaaat? You gettin’ your feet ‘did’?”


“Cool. I wouldn’t mind somebody workin’ these ol’ corns. Feet looking like I been runnin’ on rocks. Hey, can I roll?”

“Yeah, let’s roll. Hey, you see that move Kobe put on…”


Some things just don’t mesh. Real iron men don’t do pedicures, manicures, facials–none of that please-pamper-me stuff. No sir.

And yet … I was curious. How did a grown-ass man wind up loving an occasional toe-tweaking?

My coworker told me about the Calgon powers of feet treatment. Feet doctors didn’t just nip away reckless toe nails. Oh no. They soak the feet. Scrub away crust between the toes. Massage the phalanges, heels, ankles, calf muscles–the whole nine.

He reminded me how our ground stompers got it rough. What other extremity makes steady contact with hard surfaces while carrying the full weight of the human body? In most cases, feet are crammed in tight quarters we call shoes or high-heels, the humidity an African jungle, intensifying a funk that could clear a room when set free.

Feet do have it rough. A little TLC wouldn’t hurt.

(end of excerpt)

If you liked that excerpt, check out the free ebook here!

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